The Bully Boss- How to Cope

The topic was the “boss as bully” - arbitrary, capricious, if not a borderline sociopath. My intelligent and competent lunch companion described her constant bobbing and weaving to avoid the emotional blows. The latest episode of many included the “blame game” as her boss, who had approved a report’s contents, accused her of releasing it unauthorized. Determining who felt the heat from the next higher rung on the executive ladder is not a stretch. The surprise short-term memory loss of the boss stretches the imagination.

Before the outcome of the game discloses, a description of a player is in order. Robert Hare, a Psychology professor emeritus from the University of British Columbia created a checklist for the “bully boss.”

He describes them as “selfish, callous, with a remorseless use of others." Eight traits comprise the type: “glibness and superficial charm; grandiose sense of self-worth; pathological lying; conning and manipulative; lack of remorse or guilt; shallow affect (i.e., a coldness covered up by dramatic emotional displays that are actually playacting); callousness and lack of empathy; and the failure to accept responsibility for one's own actions.” Strong stuff – particularly when one is on the receiving end.

Conventional wisdom when encountering the “bully boss” suggests several coping mechanisms. I direct you to www.badbossology.com for a compendium of resources. But what happened with my friend snarled in the blame game?

She said…. Enough! - offered appropriate notice which was refused and left the same day after a tearful goodbye from her staff. Who won? My friend restored family relationships bruised by the transference of battle scars from work, renewed her emotional strength, and excitedly searches for her next opportunity. Life is too short, right?

Tell Yourself about You!

“Tell me a little bit about yourself.” Since you probably are in the workplace, certainly the majority heard this statement or derivative during a job interview.

Have you ever pondered that statement and asked it of yourself? Seriously. You may come to an important self-discovery. It happened to me.

My life long career in an industry had ended - not of my volition. I decided to deploy myself into a new, unfamiliar business venture.

Rather than wallow in discouragement and wonder why my prior experience delivered a disappointing outcome, I decided to appreciate the sum of my experiences and garnered valuable lessons for work and life.

· My current situation requires me to be resourceful and resilient; the same traits I honed with my prior profession.

· It is important to be likeable. A former co-worker, merely passably talented in his craft, forged tremendous business relationships due to his friendly and down to earth nature.

· Innovation is necessary, change a given. Delivering and nurturing innovative changes requires time, repetition, and copious information with assurances.

· Do your homework! It is easy to minimize preparation and planning while maximizing enthusiasm and optimism. Passion is contagious - however, passion without a foundation discourages the “contagion” from spreading.

My suggestion; tell yourself “a little bit about yourself.” You may discover or renew what you know is important for living an encouraged life.